I haven’t seen The Da Vinci Code, and I haven’t read the book. I don’t intend to do either. I’m annoyed with Dan Brown’s outrageous success; alright, alright, already…envious of his success; I’m jealous! There, I said it. I do find it amusing, though—the uproar that the book and subsequent film have caused. Brown’s narrative has shaken and shocked Christians all over the globe.
I, myself, haven’t been sleeping lately; I spend most nights on the couch with the television making noise in the background. But trust; trust me when I tell you that my insomnia has nothing to do with Dan Brown, Da Vinci, Jesus, or even his apparently much-overlooked bride. This morning I awoke to—of all things—the 700 Club. Before I could find the damn remote to shut that crap down, I had suffered through the tail of one report and the beginning of another.
Evidently, prayer packages are absolutely essential for our troops in Iraq. But not to help the troops accept the horrors of war, but to keep their minds off infidelity. That’s right. The 700 Club has uncovered an insurgency that could very well undermine our peace effort in the Middle East. Flirting is forbidden. Troops are told to overt their eyes when encountering an attractive female. And, yes, masturbation is out of the question. It’s my understanding that many Christian troops use music and prayer to stay their adulterous tendencies. “I usually keep a Christian song bobbing around in my head so I don’t think about cheating” one soldier told a 700 Club correspondent. All I have to say is “Amen, brother! Could you pass the ammunition?” The second 700 Club report I saw had to do with, of course, The Da Vinci Code. Is it really necessary for every Christian organization the world over, to shore up their congregations against Brown’s heresy? Are there really people out there, whose religious beliefs could possibly be called into question by Tom Hanks? I’m sorry, but I have to borrow a line from Oprah: “That’s about the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Technorati tags: 700 Club, The Da Vinci Code, Masturbation, Iraq
2 comments:
Does 'Me So Horny' count as a Christian song? I'm going to make them some CD's.
Also, I laughed so hard over your line about religious beliefs being called into question by Tom Hanks that I nearly stopped masturbating.
I agree, people are going nuts, and as a Catholic who has seen and read the Da Vinci code, I couldnt be further from the picket line.
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